I’ see that creatively I exist in two modes: consuming and producing. And I’m beginning to feel a little over fed so it’s time to reel in the consumption and start producing more.
I found a 30 day blog challenge.
Day 1-Some basic things about me:
I’m afraid of most things. The dark. Sharks. Since Sharon died, I can’t stand to be home alone. I’ve always been a little geeked about being alone but it’s on a whole other level now. It’s getting better, but I used to get panicked and couldn’t go in the house. Don’t know if I thought she would be there? Or just afraid of feeling the enormity of my emotions in the vacancy. I can tolerate it now, with the kids and once I managed completely by myself, but I did have a pizza.
“You really should get over that.” Maybe that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t know. But I heard something from Brooke Castillo about dealing with your emotional wounds and taking off the band-aid. And that is to do it slowly. Have compassion for yourself.
“You need therapy.” I had some. Thank you. It’s probably why I can sleep now. Even without the TV. And yes, Time Heals All Wounds, and that’s why I can breath now and I don’t have body shaking anxiety coursing through my veins 24 hours a day.
Things are improving.
And I’m not being facetious.
Something less daunting/sad about myself (or maybe it is sad)- I get pretty restless if I don’t have something concrete to work towards. I’m happiest when I’m achieving and that probably makes a less than complimentary statement about who I am as a person, but that’s okay. It’s not a money thing either, because THAT would be evil, haha.
I kicked butt in a lot things so far in life, personally:
Study abroad in college, lived with a host family for 6 weeks (Mexico)
Library Board Trustee
Saved up for the down payment for a house
Bought said house
Wrote two novels ( yeah, they were published at Kinko’s but I’m still putting them on the list!)
Won a Table Topics Competition (impromptu speaking-super nerve wracking)
Achieved Advanced Communicator Bronze in Toastmasters
Ran a half marathon/10 mile race in the forest preserve (damn near last place, lol) various 5ks
Toastmaster of the Year
Got my CSCP certification. (By the skin of my teeth, but still got it!)
Started my writing business. Yes, even got paid. Well, the check is in the mail, for real.
What about your kids? Well, yeah parenting is work, but you kind of HAVE to do it. I’m referring to efforts outside of the mandatory.
So I just find myself asking what’s next? I definitely have shiny object syndrome. Do a blog. Write a novel. Pick a writing niche. Market your business. Network. And I love learning and books and want to help people. Mothers in prison. Books for prisons. Because running my own life isn’t challenging enough. Wasn’t I just crying to myself about feeling like there isn’t enough of me? But my urge isn’t to do LESS. It’s to be more valuable. Maybe that’s how I expand my capacity. Consume less; create more. Do. Give. Or maybe I’m completely off base. Hopefully I have the balls to at least try and then I can let you know how it all turns out.