It’s 3:30. I’m the bathroom at work looking in the mirror. I’m nappy, frazzled and there’s chocolate on my pants. Rock-bottom is a little strong so I’ll call this particular state of affairs craptastic or crap-freakin-tastic if I’m feeling excited. Earlier in the day, in front of the same mirror, I thought to myself-I don’t look healthy. First, the aforementioned naps, meaning I didn’t get up in time to take a shower. Then a few inches below, my eyebrows showcase my forehead like two centipedes that haven’t met yet. Beauty parlor of tweezers. Make a decision! My eyes have dark circles, face is deadpan and a couple zits dot each cheek like mis-placed dimples.
Now, one doesn’t simply wake up this way. It’s cumulative if you will. Weeks of sub par eating and a few too many, I’m-too-tired-to- wash my-face-nights.
All this gloriousness will be attending a wedding this weekend, which opens up a whole ‘nother can of worms.
First, the dress. I bought this thing MONTHS ago. To avoid the Friday night I hate my body, nothing fits rights, fitting room meltdown at Kohls. The best part, I didn’t even pick it out, and it’s perfect. I asked my cool young hip (all things I am not) girlfriend at work for some help and voila’. She in-boxed me this cute dress and I was done.
What’s super awesome (NOT), is that I’ve gained about 15 lb since then. BUT it still looks good. I’m pretty sure there’s an Oakbrook plastic surgery center that could lipo the annoying armpit/boob area fat on my lunch break, then I would be golden. Haha. Okay, I’m only half kidding. No really. I have a platinum card with zero balance. But the APR is a bear, fine, never mind. Hmph!
I wanted to look bangin’ for this thing. Like hawt. Instead, I’m just gonna look like me, and that’s great. Yadda yadda.
Here’s the thing, I’m beginning to realize (at least for me) that external motivation, just is not that, well, motivating. You can always make concessions. I’m fatter than when I started for this wedding and nobody cares. I truly have nothing to gain externally. The gains are all internal and that’s where the motivation has to come from. It has to be intrinsic.
That sucks. Internally, I want to eat burritos and sleep.But what I need is to be healthy and vibrant. One of my favorite phrases in self-help lingo is fake it till you make it. So in the midst of my crapiness today I came up with 16 daily things to be less crappy. It’s a mix of things to do and not to do. Perhaps a later post. I’ll start tracking tomorrow. Track all the things! Change can be painful, but is definitely less painful than not being the type of person you know you can be.